A heart That’s Incomplete

It’s because I know the amount of amazing things I have to offer why I  want to meet a great guy. To go grocery shopping with someone, to watch reruns of criminal minds, to be lazy with someone and also explore the world. It’s because I know how amazing this could be why I want it. I can’t be vulnerable with anyone, I know this to be true. My friend says I am not emotional, I have a flat affect, I date like a guy, I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable, and that I don’t need to be in control, the world won’t fall apart. Every decision can’t be rationalize especially when the heart is involve. I have met my perfectly imperfect guy, he doesn’t know that he is my guy because I’ve never said how I felt. I can’t say how I feel, I have tried the fear of being rejected have paralyze my ability to express my deepest emotion, or is it because I too haven’t met the guy who will make me take that risk. I am not his girl or else he would have said so. So, I ask myself when did it all get so complicated? I had my head down in a book so long that by the time I look up too much time had passed or did my list of perfection get in the way. I don’t regret it, I am a successful woman, the only part of my life I just can’t seem to figure out is how to be emotionally naked with someone. This guy understands me, we aspire for the same things, we motivate each other and challenge each other to excel beyond our own sensibility. I might not be a part of his life puzzle but there is a game  somewhere been played without its queen. They say there is no queen in this game just kings. I feel like I should have a problem with this but I don’t, I can see the judgment in their eyes. Did we evolve so far that the queen is no longer  relevant to the game?

I met a guy, at first glance he epitomize everything on the list, we talked, he said his name was Andy. With  one arm outstretched, ‘ nice to meet you Andy, do you come here often? I said. “No, every once in a while, but I can appreciate the tranquility of the ocean wave and the whispers of the trees in the wind”. I can see your point it’s precisely the reason I can’t stay away, I replied. “So here is the thing, I’ve been working on this puzzle for the last 30 minutes the answer has completely elude me” he said. Maybe I can help, I have been known to solve a few puzzles in my days….conversation continued very easily and effortlessly. Now we are all thinking this was nice I probably need to visit more often, so I did, but he’s not my guy. This is a game of bishops and knights, with a curious taste of a queen.You want to give up,but you can’t here’s why:

I eventually found my guy he has been my guy for the last 10 years. There was a time I thought maybe I dont belong in this time, but Plato describes it best when he said, “Every heart sings a song incomplete until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song and at the touch of a lover everyone becomes a poet”. Have you heard a whisper back?and how long has it been since you found your guy?


One Comment Add yours

  1. Anonymous says:

    I swear I was just thinking this I stumble upon your blog….I think the content is very relatable.


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